Meanderings

What is the power of "The Kiss"?

We seem to invest "The Kiss" with everything we crave out of emotional attachment.

This ongoing fascination with "The Kiss" intrigues me. I guess it's on my mind because I have watched and read more classic romances in the last couple of months than I think I have in the previous decade.

Yes, I realise I probably need to get out more. However, as both Colin Firth and Clive Owen are married (and, incidentally, live on the other side of the world), going out seems a little pointless, when I can watch them at home. (Note to any film producers out there - if you could see your way to making a movie involving the following: Colin Firth, Clive Owen, Alan Rickman, Alan Cumming, Karl Urban, Sean Bean, Viggo Mortensen, Jonathon Rhys-Meyers, Ewan McGregor and Brendan Fraser [please also include his companions in this photo, John Hannah and Oded Fehr], set in a shower room, where they are reciting Shakespeare, I would be infinitely grateful. And quite probably dead.)

Okay. I'll leave the house directly after I've posted this. Stop nagging.

Where was I? Oh yes.

We sigh at the end of the film, when Protagonist A is swept up into the arms of Protagonist B and, enveloped thus, they seal their destiny with "The Kiss". (An obvious exception to this is Bridget Jones' Diary, where Darcy nuzzling Bridget Jones' neck is infinitely more knee trembly happy making than "The Kiss" cue-credits-with-snow.)

In real life, or as real as it gets, anyway, there are so many reasons to give kissing the kiss off. (*snork* I made a pune, or play on words. Did you notice?)

You want evidence, you say? Alrighty then.

In the case of the People versus Sucking Face, I present:

Exhibit A. Nomenclature.

'Kiss'
This is fine. Sounds lovely, and warm, despite the sibilance.

'Snog'
Sounds like something you produce when you have the flu.

'Sucking Face'
I mean, really. What are we saying here? For some reason, Braindead comes to mind here...

'Peck'
Is grandmother territory only.

'Pash'
Peculiarly Australian, and brings to mind mid teens, drinking passion pop and vomiting in the backyard. Ah, the wonder of youth.

'Liplock'
("Have you got a liplock for Wiploc?" Ah Jim Carrey. What happened to you?) Gives a real feeling of inescapability - locking one's fate with no chance of backing out.

'Tongues, Tonguies'
see 'Pash' (oh we Aussies are a romantic bunch, aren't we?)

'Smooch'
Is a small pooch trapped in a handbag. End of story.

Exhibit B. Is kind of slaggy and weird.

Kissing. It's kind of ridiculous really. When you think about it. All the saliva and teeth and someone else's tongue doing a lap of your mouth. I mean, euwww. Exchange of bodily fluids much? And don't get me started on the nose issue. Negotiating the height difference (for a lovely example of this, see the Tall Guy). Breathing. And if you've got tongue piercing(s), there's a whole added dimension of terror. And possible chipping of teeth.

Exhibit C. Style, and lack thereof.

This exhibit covers the whole icky issue of bad kissers, and associated kissing styles. The Face Eater (my nose does not need to be covered in saliva, thank you. No actually, that's my chin, please don't do...whatever it is you're doing, it's freaking me out.) The Tongue Wrestler (leave my tongue where it is. Seriously. It's attached to me, and frankly, I'm more attached to it than I am to you.) I'm sure we've all encountered these and other disturbing attacks on the sanctity of "The Kiss".

However, despite all of the above, and the glaring design flaws that require many workarounds, kissing, and "The Kiss", remain a favoured form of entertainment around the world. And why not? Even with all the possible pitfalls of pashing (alliteration, anyone?) it's, they, are way more fun than, oh I don't know, pretty much anything you care to name.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to establish the biannual Snog-o-Rama movie marathon...