Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Get the fuck off my ice, beyotch!
It's another hot day in Auckland, and I am very sweaty and slightly stinky, and a bit tired after a day of touristing.
Yesterday on the Explorer Bus was...interesting. The bus was filled with a whole bunch of Americans who were all on a round the world cruise, and their cruise ship had just docked. I guess they were seeing the "14 sights" and then getting back on the cruise ship to go to some other city and do the same thing. Strange way to spend 50 grand, but there you go.
And how do I know all of this information, you ask? Because, and I don't want to generalise here...but I will..., they were middle aged, middle class Americans. They.Would.Not.Shut.The.Fuck.Up. It was astonishing. It's like their mouths are constantly on autopilot, and the only input from their brain is to keep the mouth muscles going.
Escaped them and went to the museum, just in time for the Manaia group to present the "Maori Cultural Experience". This was songs and dance, performed by six young men and women. Much much better than at Rotorua - a lot more personal and with a lot more information. And slight differences in the standard dances and songs. Really enjoyed it. May go to yet another concert in the South Island, just to see how different it is there.
I then went to Kelly Tarlton's Underwater World and Antarctic Experience (it really is called that). I was mostly going because they have penguins there, and have recreated (as closely as possible) Antarctic conditions, so the penguins just chill out (as it were). Visitors can go through this area in a little enclosed train thing, and see the penguins eye to eye and close up. It was great. The penguins were fucking huge. And there was one that didn't like the train thingy at all, and followed us all around the enclosure, waving his wings and honking angrily.
That was fab. However, the Underwater Experience brought me out in claustrophobia, dizziness and extreme nausea, so I had to escape very quickly.
I don't think I'll do that again. Though I wouldn't mind another go on the Penguin Express.
Yesterday on the Explorer Bus was...interesting. The bus was filled with a whole bunch of Americans who were all on a round the world cruise, and their cruise ship had just docked. I guess they were seeing the "14 sights" and then getting back on the cruise ship to go to some other city and do the same thing. Strange way to spend 50 grand, but there you go.
And how do I know all of this information, you ask? Because, and I don't want to generalise here...but I will..., they were middle aged, middle class Americans. They.Would.Not.Shut.The.Fuck.Up. It was astonishing. It's like their mouths are constantly on autopilot, and the only input from their brain is to keep the mouth muscles going.
Escaped them and went to the museum, just in time for the Manaia group to present the "Maori Cultural Experience". This was songs and dance, performed by six young men and women. Much much better than at Rotorua - a lot more personal and with a lot more information. And slight differences in the standard dances and songs. Really enjoyed it. May go to yet another concert in the South Island, just to see how different it is there.
I then went to Kelly Tarlton's Underwater World and Antarctic Experience (it really is called that). I was mostly going because they have penguins there, and have recreated (as closely as possible) Antarctic conditions, so the penguins just chill out (as it were). Visitors can go through this area in a little enclosed train thing, and see the penguins eye to eye and close up. It was great. The penguins were fucking huge. And there was one that didn't like the train thingy at all, and followed us all around the enclosure, waving his wings and honking angrily.
That was fab. However, the Underwater Experience brought me out in claustrophobia, dizziness and extreme nausea, so I had to escape very quickly.
I don't think I'll do that again. Though I wouldn't mind another go on the Penguin Express.
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Ah yes, the phenomenon of large groups of American tourists - the same the whole world over! From Kuala Lumpur to Dublin - the larger the group, the lower the collective IQ. How can people proclaim their ignorance so loudly?
I think that now you can appreciate even better the fine wit of Monty Python doing the two middle-aged Amercian tourists in Hell sketch, from "Meaning of Life". "Do all philosopher's names start with an S? I guess they do."
Escape, is of course the only option - and, as you did, find something seriously cultural in order to re-stumulate your brain cells, and remind yourself that not all the world is America. Thank fuck!
I think that now you can appreciate even better the fine wit of Monty Python doing the two middle-aged Amercian tourists in Hell sketch, from "Meaning of Life". "Do all philosopher's names start with an S? I guess they do."
Escape, is of course the only option - and, as you did, find something seriously cultural in order to re-stumulate your brain cells, and remind yourself that not all the world is America. Thank fuck!
I have to admit that I have been having flashbacks to both "Meaning of Life" and a short skit from "The Marty Feldman Show" (where the film is speeded up, as is the commentary, and everyone's just looking from side to side of the bus, and it all takes about 30 seconds) every time I board a tour bus. It feels like a strange thing to be doing. But is also a wonderful internal image if the tour itself gets a bit dull.
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