Meanderings

I was completely prepared to find Christchurch insipid, especially after the last week of Nature - Wow!

And, in a lot of ways, and much like Auckland, Christchurch is rather unprepossessing. Unlike Wellington, there is very little natural beauty to alleviate the 'city' feel - occasional glimpses of distant hills between buildings is about it. But it does have a certain naive charm - if a rather selfconciously inherited charm. It advertises itself as the "most English city in New Zealand", and it really does have that feel. The city itself is dominated by a Cathedral, there's a river running through the city, there's the Christchurch College, full of private school boys, a lot of the buildings are faux gothic and you've got Oxford and Cambridge Streets.

But, and this is the wonderful thing about most places, there are surprises and little bits of joy scattered throughout the city.

For a start, the river is, wait for it, the river Avon. Now, I don't know about you, but that just brings this to mind. And so every time someone says "The River Avon" I giggle to myself and get the theme tune in my head and start having naughty thoughts about an overacting 40 plus year old in bad seventies sf leather clothing.

So that's a bonus. Plus it gives the phrase "punting on the Avon" a whole new meaning.

*chirp chirp of crickets*

Well, no, it doesn't, but if you really stretch yourself you can force a little snort of laughter about it. Just for me, okay?

The Botanic Gardens are full of soooooo many ducks. I took some bread to feed them today, and there's something altogether cute, but also a little daunting, about being surrounded by 30 madly quaking ducks. Especially when they start having territorial battles and you realise one of them has sneaked behind you and is about to take the whole slice of bread out of your hand and there's another one under the seat who's trying to do the same thing and...But mostly, stupidly cute. Oh yeah, and there are some nice trees and flowers and stuff. And people punting on the Avon.

*snork*

Speaking of people punting on the Avon (*snerk*), there's also endless enjoyment to be had watching people who have no idea how to paddle a boat, trying to paddle a boat. Generally on a romantic date. It is a standard rule of thumb that the following does not a romantic date make:

You're struggling to pilot the vessel, and your date has given up and is staring off into the distance with her arms crossed, thinking "What did I ever ever see in this doink?" and you've gotten wedged into the banks, and ducks are slowing down around you and you just know that in amongst the quaking is some serious sniggering and then a punt full of people who paid someone who knows what they're doing to take them punting on the Avon (*giggle*) goes by and once again, though they're slightly more polite than the ducks, there's some pointing and muttering and general dissing of your punting style going on. And then there's me, on the bank, howling with laughter, wiping the tears out of my eyes, kicking my little legs in the air and generally being a right cow.

It would put a bit of a dent in the whole "romantic date" concept, dontcha think?

And then, in Cathedral Square, there is The Wizard. This guy is fucking fabulous. Every weekday during summer, he's there, orating away, with a good crowd around him, bringing down the status quo through fun. (The website's not working, by the way, but it should be up again soon). Here's a couple of quotes from the brochure he's had made up (because he's nothing if not a self promoter):

"Since being declared a living work of art by the New Zealand Art Gallery Directors Assocation almost 20 years ago, the Wizard has had the special freedom of a fictional character. Since 1968 he has had no wife, children, property or job, pays no taxes and has no state welfare assistance. He really has got nothing to lose and is arguably the freest individual in New Zealand."

"Another favourite topic is...to use relativity theory to show that there is no proof that the Earth is a sphere that orbits the Sun. He recommends voting to change the traditional frame of reference so that the Earth is turned inside out, becoming a relatively huge hole in matter with the rest of the universe inside it. He is also well known for printing and promoting maps of the world that are south up, showing New Zealand at the top." (I didn't manage to get one of those, darn it).

And much more, in a fantastically over the top, ironic, friendly and funny style. I highly recommend, if you find yourself in Christchurch between November and March, to take yourself to Cathedral Square between 1 and 2pm and give him a listen. Vastly entertaining and engaging and I'm kind of peeved that I'm going to miss his lectures, as I leave Christchurch tomorrow.

Finally, and this can't be stressed enough, there is a pub under the hostel I'm staying at that serves pints of Monteith's Black.